excuse me, waiter...

this is not the life i ordered!

there really is no other way to put it. i ordered one life, complete with a college degree, promising and rewarding career, cute husband, and adorable son. of course, while living, as we often do, i selected numerous items á la carte. these would include 1.5 other college degrees, the addition of various pets, two homes and accompanying moves, and two additional adorable sons.

these were the desserts you eagerly pick up along the way. they are all wonderful additions to my order and i am happy with each one of them.

however, no one told me that my order could be substituted based on the availability of a husband. i mean the military did make it a point to let me know that until 2011, they own him and i was merely leasing with an option to buy. so it isn't the physical availability that i am talking about here.

instead, i'm referring to the decision to change my order to phd-writing, working, single mom. that wasn't even on my menu! in fact, i purposely avoided restaurants where that option was even a chef's special.

so, 86 the husband. that order is no longer available. maybe single, independent, amazing woman is a side worth looking into, though.