something's missing...

i took the boys to the park today. that's nothing new. we do that stuff quite a bit. however, we normally go to the park during the week, after school, in the midst of a work day. working from home gives me that advantage and i like to use it when i can. the problem with today is that it was a gorgeous weekend day, and the park was full.

doesn't sound like an issue, i'm sure. but it wasn't a park filled merely with children. instead, it was filled with families. yep, families. small kids, moms, dads...and if not moms and dads, couples that could pass as them.

it made me feel alone. i sat in a lovely park, enjoying a gorgeous day, a great book, and the idea that my kiddos were having fun. but the whole time i was saddened by the missing pieces.

i miss my family. ok, maybe i don't miss a piece of my family. but i do miss the idea of a family. i miss someone who cares about me and the boys. i miss being pushed on the swing, having someone race me to the boys, and i miss having a hand to hold as i watch them play.

while i am feeling a lot better about the piece that left the family, i wouldn't mind a keen replacement. until then, i'll fill the void for the boys and try not to let them know i'm missing the wholeness.