feeling lonely and alone...

it seems i truly got nothing but loneliness from this divorce. i found out my insurance, which was once almost courtesy of the u. s. government via the air force, is now costing not quite as much as it could, but more than i really have to give. copays, prescription costs, you name it. this is now my life.

he told me tonight that he might get a second job. "good," i think, finally feeling as though his life isn't going quite the way he hoped when he split. i mean really...i've had a second, third, fourth job for years now. then he tells me this second job will be bouncing at a bar...and irish bar. damn him. his second job will get him out of the house, into the adult world...the one where folks are scantily clad and drinking...while i sit home, on the computer yet again. how is this fair? no, i don't want to work a night a week in a bar. no, i don't want his life. but i do want something! i want something to go my way and it just seems it isn't going to any time real soon.

anyone wanna come to my pity party?