and then it was tomorrow...

tomorrow i will be single. well, i'll be a step closer to single. i will, in fact, be separated. it is odd to think that 9 months have gone by since i heard "i just can't make myself love you" and my life felt over. the problem is that is wasn't over. no one sees the scars of lost love. no one sees heartbreak on the outside. it makes you wish you were dead, but it doesn't have the courtesy to actually kill you. hateful it is.

but, 9 months wasn't enough to make me long to be single. i'm dreading it. not the being on my own part. the being legally separated part. that's a whole other slot on the form now. i will never be single again. instead i'll be divorced or separated. you never get to be single again. that doesn't seem quite far either.

of course, when you think about it, being a spouse is the only familial relationship that you can so very easily exit. since the rest rest on biology, you can't truly escape them. but with this, all it takes is a notarized signature and i'm not someone's wife anymore. instead, i'm the fool someone convinced that he would love. and worse yet, i'm the fool who sometimes still wishes it was true.

but, tomorrow is a new day and with that new day, the start of a new life. i guess i'll just have to get on with that life, and hopefully be just a bit smarter in the next go around. ironically, my rebirth is mysteriously aligning with that of jesus. is ice skating in hell next?