a new (sad) milestone...

the rings are off. yes, i took them off today. i have been prepping myself for it for more than a month now. i figured he took his off so carelessly, so quickly, that i could too. and while some of you may think that wearing your rings for a full month or so isn't a long time, it sure does feel like it when the other person has moved on and moved out. i guess i am looking at them as just one other sign of how i want things to be rather than how they are. and believe me, it wasn't a quick, careless, or even wanted gesture.

so, what did i do in classic hoyden fashion? i bought a replacement. not only did this allow me the fun of ebaying (gotta love the bidding process), but also the fun of choosing a new piece of bling. and while i'm not ready to admit this to my mother, she was right. i shouldn't need a guy to buy me flowers and jewelry. i should be able to do it myself. and while this lovely marquasite ring isn't the half karat sparkler i was given when we got engaged, i think you'll agree it's pretty pleasant.

i guess i felt the need to replace my rings rather than just strip them off. one comment was that it looked so much like a wedding band that folks might think i'm still married (and she was commenting with the best intentions and more to give me an idea i may not have thought of rather than criticize the choice). but that is exactly what i wanted. i mean i am still married, right? but more than that, i want people to think i'm still married.

as much as losing my cohesive family unit is upsetting me, knowing that other people are judging me for it is worse. i know that no one could judge me as hard as i judge myself, but i feel this is a bit of a failure, like a big bit of one! and i hate the idea (also in classic hoyden fashion) of strangers seeing me with my kids and thinking i'm a single mom. i just hate that! so, while i work to get over my "i care what everyone else thinks" issue, i'll wear my pretty new ring and at least feel that i made this decision all for me.