he needs to find himself...

but he has yet to look under "m" for mid-life crisis. while most men buy a sports car, mine moves out. while others date their secretary, mine explains that he needs to find out who he is before moving on.

is this sounding more and more like "it's not you, it's me" to anyone else? well, it isn't me. it is him. if it were me, he'd be happy to be away and reveling in the freedom, not "relearning life skills" as he puts it. the problem is i'm having trouble with his logic, his reasons for tearing up a ten-year commitment and separating three kids.

well, in all honesty, regardless of his reasons, i'd find fault with them. why? because they aren't my reasons obviously. but these are hard to swallow. he wants to rediscover himself. but he isn't doing anything he couldn't have done here. paying bills does not a road to self-discovery make. so maybe i had too much control over our lives. i didn't take it. it was handed to me. and now it is conveniently denied. all nice and neat and tied with a bow, it was taken back and returned for something else. and i thought the returning of wedding gifts ended years ago.

the problem is ... well there are so many. i'm hurt. i really feel i'm worse off now than i was a month ago. why? i'm not sure i know.