tempted to fall...

well, i've been overly tempted to retreat to my nice warm, safe, comfy bed. i have yet to do so i this 9-month mess, but it is getting to me again now. i'm feeling sorry for myself and we all know i need to knock that off.

when i sit and look around at my friends, i see a friend who just lost her breasts, but not her life, to breast cancer; one who lost her mom; one who's hubby is away for a year; and one who is facing bi-polar disorder. and here i am whining...

i need to find a way out of this funk.

the baby daddy said something smart to me tonight. he mentioned that i care equally about everything. i care about work as much as i care about my kids as much as i care about my house and family and friends and pets and orphans in cambodia and lima beans... he didn't say it quite that way, but he's right. i hate that he's right. i really really hate it. alas, he is...

so, now to try to find some balance in my life. some time between hating it and loving it to just be. any ideas?

a whole new "high"...

and it wasn't the good kind is the problem. i found out i have high blood pressure and high cholesterol and well, high weight for a lack of saying "fat." it was a sobering day at the doctor, especially since good friend m is going through breast cancer right now and i know that now is the time to take care of myself.

well, this high is going to ensure that i suppose. watch out treadmill!