epiphanies...

these lightbulb moments are not in short supply when one has soooo much time to think about things. but below is a list of things i've recently learned about myself and my situation:

1. i am a woman who can wear bright red lipstick. in fact, i did just that today. granted, it is halloween, but it didn't look bad and i never would have guessed i could pull it off.

2. i am chaos embodied. while i may not do things neatly or conventionally, i get them done and still have fun while doing them. sometimes i cause stress in the process, but sometimes it is just a good ol' laugh a minute.

3. i cannot be controlled. i don't mean i'm out of control, but i have noticed that i strain against any kind of reigns around me. i know this is somewhat immature and adolescent, but there must be a reason for it.

4. i still love wearing men's shirts to bed. in fact, i went out and bought two new ones so i don't have to rely on shirts that no longer live here.

5. i really am an eternal optomist. this is as much a fault as it is a positive characteristic. i'm destined to have my heart broken again and again, but at least i see the world as full of hope and possibility.

6. i am a person who is willing to take a hidden opportunity. anyone who's gone through a bad patch knows that something is hidden in it all. either you find you are closer to a friend than you ever expected, you come across a great chance, or you realize how much respect people have for you. i've had all three chances and feel blessed to have them.

maybe being single isn't so bad ...

in four short months of realizing i would soon enough (much sooner than i hoped) be single, i've come to realize that there are advantages to it:

1. no one tells asks you to turn off the tv b/c he's trying to go to sleep
2. no one steals the covers
3. you can sleep on either side of the bed, or even in the middle
4. you don't have to shave unless you want to
5. your shoe budget increases without guilt
6. you get to watch what you want to after sharing the tv with the kids
7. you can eat what you want when you want to eat it
8. you don't have to put away your laundry if you are just fine living out of the basket instead
9. his alarm doesn't wake you up in the morning
10. there is less laundry to do
11. there are fewer dishes to do
12. you can work late at night without knowing that he's not sleeping well without you there
13. you can read at night for as long as you want
14. did i mention the shoe budget?
15. no one moves your stuff
16. your time with the kids is all for you
17. wearing your pj's all day is acceptable
18. you have time for other things, ie. calling friends, buying shoes, working
19. you get to buy new address labels b/c you change your name
20. you get to put the new shoes in his old closet

of course, there are plenty of negative things about being newly single after a 10-year marriage, but i'm not dwelling tonight. refreshing, huh?

priceless ...

airfare to nantucket for girls' weekend: $450
room in a cute as can be b&b (private bath excluded): $600
assorted dinners and trinkets: $275

watching your friend fall into the ocean, losing $1200 worth of technology: priceless!

the hoyden strikes again...

in true hoyden-fashion, i gave everyone a laugh today. i was the first one to the building having found a shortcut a student told me about. this shortcut is amazing and shaved about 20 minutes off of my commute. being that i was there so early, i happily unlocked the back door with my key and bebopped myself into the breakroom.

about five minutes later, an alarm goes off. yes, i did it. i set off the alarm to the building! it's only been two weeks! i had no idea there was an alarm to begin with. oops!

the funniest part is not that i set off the alarm that is set off at least once a month. it is, however, that a uniformed officer came to the school and walked around looking for someone, anyone. he found me! they never send officers out when this happens. and if one does come in, he/she reports to the front desk, all cleared up. not so much today.

instead, cutie officer and i walked the whole school. i did not fess up to the alarm with him. i do have some pride.

friends don't let friends ...

call their soon-to-be exhusbands crying and basically begging them to come back home. they don't let them later feel guilty about calling and crying and basically begging. instead, friends tell friends not to worry about it. they tell friends that last week they were over him, remember that? they tell friends that they are better off without him, that they are strong, independent women, and that one psuedo drink-n-dial does not the end of the world make.

friends are good! i heart friends!

too tired to sleep ...

i know you all think you know tired. tired is the word we use when we yawn or stay up a little too late. well, you don't know from tired!

i've birthed two babies, nursed them through countless sleepless nights, worked since i was 16, and did way too much all the way through high school and college to the point where i started passing out due to allergies ... but now i know tired.

my soul is tired. my hair is tired. my eyes are tired. in fact, the only molecules of my body that are not tired are those in my brain. i just can't seem to turn the sucker off. any ideas for how to shift into low gear?

work, kids, life are all running through my head. my schedule has taken a turn for the crazy and now i'm having that "dissertation defeat" setting in. i need to get out of the funk, folks. maybe a day of writing on sunday will do just that. feeling as though you've accomplished something can wake you up a bit.